KK WISDUMBS

Thank you.

Thank you to those  who taught me the greatest lesson of all.

The ones who brought me to the lowest place of my life so that I could finally be saved.

Saved from my old self.

The old self  who begged for love while abandoning herself.

The old self  Who  denied her basic needs  so they wouldn’t be labeled as fights . 

The old self that chose the people that didn’t wanna be chosen.  

The one who kept giving chance after chance because she believed if she loved hard enough, stayed long enough, sacrificed enough, maybe one day she would  be loved the way she deserved.

The old  self who wanted to be seen so badly that she was willing to sacrifice being understood.

No more.

You woke up the woman God has called me to be.

The woman who won’t settle.

The woman who would rather   be alone  then  neglected, dismissed, used, or made to be confused .

The woman who knows she deserves to be loved the way she loves .

Sometimes it’s hard to let go of our old selves because growth is scary.

It’s scary to let go of the past or mindset we’ve become comfortable with.

The mindset that’s been through so much  pain  and because it feels familiar to you, you dismiss it . Make excuses for it.

For so long, I kept asking the wrong questions.

Why are they doing this?

Why don’t they care?

Why won’t they change?

Why do I keep showing up for people who don’t show up for me?

And then one day I realized something.

It wasn’t their question to ask but mine . Why would I stay and allow this ?  Out of all the beautiful people in the world why was  I choosing the one / ones who can’t see me ? 

Their final gift wasn’t changing.

Their final gift was repeating the same pattern one last time so I could finally stop seeing their potential and start seeing their reality.

So I stopped asking why they were doing it.

And started asking why I was allowing it.

That question changed everything.

Because healing didn’t begin when I understood them.

Healing began when I understood myself.

What in me after getting hurt again and again wants to stay to prove  myself ? Because staying was hurting myself and my mind. 

I was  the one who needed to die to my  old self. What they do is their business not mine. 

The wounded self . She’s not there anymore. So why was I revisiting her ?New creation means new. 

Because the old self would have opened the door when they came back to see if she was still dumb and filled with never ending empathy , but the new self would not . 

She would not have mistaken familiarity for love and another chance for change.

 God wasn’t closing a door  to punish me.

He was closing a door to protect me.

Protecting me from settling.

Protecting me from abandoning myself.

Protecting me from relationships and friendships that required me to shrink in order to stay.

But I left the door unlocked then asked why the robbers got in. That was on me not God. 

Sometimes the closed door isn’t the heartbreak.

It’s the answer to the prayer.

That old story is over.

The story of staying in relationships or friendships that made me feel small is over. 

The story of doubting myself because someone else couldn’t see my value is dead. 

The story of over explaining myself to people committed to misunderstanding me is retired. 

The story of believing they deserved the world while convincing myself I deserved less- a lie 

The story of being the giver surrounded by takers  – no more.  

The story of making excuses for people who never took accountability-deception

The story of staying forever because I didn’t give up on people, even when they gave up on me.

Nah we don’t to that no more. 

It’s time to let the old self die so the new self can flourish.

Otherwise, we can only blame ourselves. It  doesn’t mean that we cant have empathy, forgiveness or second chances. But it does mean we have to choose ourselves and change the story . Save yourself before you save another  otherwise you both drown.  

Saying goodbye to people you love is hard.

But not saying goodbye to the version of yourself that accepted behavior that kills your spirit  is even harder.

Because that version feels familiar.

It’s the version you’ve carried for years.

The version that fought for people who weren’t fighting for her.

The version that thought loyalty meant staying no matter how much it hurt.

Why are you destroying yourself for people who don’t even notice your destruction because their to busy checking what else is on your plate  ?

You are new in him .

You are beautiful.

You are worthy.

Walk in it.

So thank you.

To the users.

To the abusers.

To the takers.

To the liars and the deceivers 

To the people who made me question my worth.

Because what brought me to the lowest place of my life will now bring me to the highest calling of my life.

The old me survived.

But the new me is finally free.

The greatest loss wasn’t losing them.

The greatest loss was  Wasting   to much damn time almost  losing myself.

THANK YOU. 

-KKwisdumbs