Boundaries are sexy 💅🏼🧠

I knew the word would catch your attention.
But this kind of sexy doesn’t come in heels (boo, I know). This is mind sexy. ✨ (like my little kk brain sidekicks) 🧠

In fact, let me reintroduce myself:
I’m not who you last took advantage of because of my lack of boundaries mixed with your usary. (If that’s not a word, it is now and I made it up) 😁

Anyway, be prepared to run, because you won’t be able to walk all over this retired doormat.
You heard it folks I’ve retired. This ex-doormat is out of service. Gone like your last fearful avoidant ex.

Why am I retiring my doormat shoes? Because I realized the only way to stop being taken advantage of when you have a good heart is to take accountability for what you allow.
Ding ding ding 🛎️

🧠Is it really that simple?
Maybe not emotionally. But practically? Yeah.
🧠: “Can you get your money, energy, or heartbreak back?”
No. But you can protect what’s left. With one tiny, powerful, life-changing word: “No.”
🧠: “Wooooow.”
I know. Right?

What are boundaries? Well, I looked it up for you because I needed to as well : “They are the limits, rules, or guidelines we set to protect our time, energy, body, emotions, and values in relationships with others and with ourselves”
If you only care about saying yes to everyone but yourself, you won’t ever think to practice boundaries.
Here’s the thing. We can’t control anything that people do. The only thing we can control is ourselves.

I was tired. Like tired tired. Nervous system tired , peace gone kind of tired. Not just from my own personal situations I was dealing with at the time , but on top of that constantly being the emotional helper for everyone else’s drowning, even when I felt I needed some air myself.
I felt like it was my responsibility to solve things . Not in a bitter way , in a “I must help” way. If someone had an issue , it should be mine too, right? Not at the cost of your own downfall or peace or with the wrong people.

There’s two reasons I think people overextend or don’t have boundaries. One is they’re afraid of the person’s scary or intimidating response (often a trauma response), so they feel if they make sure and do what that person wants or needs, everyone stays happy (people-pleaser).

The other reason is they have a big heart and a lot of empathy and always feel bad and want to help from their heart .
What if you’re both?

Well then… you are 💩 out of luck 🍀 #disasterbro … Just kidding , but you need to know when to pull back a second and pause.
When you don’t have any boundaries, you’re teaching people that they don’t need to respect you because you don’t respect you . When “ Feeling bad for them” comes before your own dang feelings. You’re attracting good people, but also selfish people.

Ahhh hail … did I just realize I have no boundaries and that’s why I have these boundaryless people in my life? Oh snap 🚨🚨 I need to change this. I need to be okay with choosing me sometimes. No . often. 🧠

Growing up in the church, we were taught to , endless forgive , turn the cheek , give the shirt off our backs etc, thats great but I misunderstood it as being a doormat and even Jesus had boundaries. I still believe in being there for people mentally and physically .But I’ve learned that saying yes to everyone in the world at the same time is just another way of saying no to yourself. You start saying yes out of guilt instead of joy.

Okay, so you realize you don’t have any boundaries and you have to set them.

Now for the scary part, telling people about them ! Trust me, it is hard at first in fear of them being mad at you but it gets easier. Do you really want a friend or co worker that’s mad at you for not letting them take advantage of you?
No.

You have to know that even the ones you love may not like or respect your newfound boundaries, and you may need to prepare to say goodbye to some 👋🏼

You’re gonna have to take a chance on maybe losing someone… or two someones.
But the TRUTH is you don’t lose the ones who loved you. You lose the ones who only loved your availability. The ones who were entitled to your, “doormat”

There’s a difference between asking for support and demanding access. They wanted access to you, 24/7 You can’t be scared of people who do that because you’re not losing anything by losing people who don’t care for you.

Give one little boundary after saying yes 500 times and watch the users and abusers throw a tantrum and then jump ship. #byeee
They lose it. They lose it because they liked you only because you never said no . lol man this is disheartening…I thought they liked me for my bad dad jokes 🥹

The people who twist your boundaries into rejection and make it about them were never really respecting you in the first place. But ya know what? I’m gonna love them anyway just from a distance because that is what helps my peace personally as well .

For the ones with the heart that love to be there for people, I dare you to pray this prayer:

“God, remove anyone not meant for me the users, the guilt trippers, the ones who drain my joy or disrespect my no. That I feel I have to keep proving my love by what they demand of me . “
And guess what?
You will see it happen fast. And at first, it hurts. But then you remember the prayer.

Now? I’m the happiest I’ve ever been because instead of being upset that people were mistaking my kindness For weakness, I can change the the part I play in it by not having limits . I’m saving my main energy for the understanding, the soft hearts , the givers , the lovers, and boundary respecters . For my people. You don’t need to over explain to your people
And yes I’m one of my people now too .

The right people grow flowers when you water them. And they water you when you need watering so you can grow some too.
There’s no one sided track no more . We’re all in this together or ✌🏼

So if you’re tired, If you’ve started resenting your own “Yes “ If you’re mourning people who left when you set a boundary… (thank you for showing your colors btw )
It’s ok . You’re just becoming the yes to yourself as well which you deserve. As long as you are willing to do your part by looking in it’s none of your business how they react or what they do.

Say no when it doesn’t feel right and with a boot 👢 …ok so maybe just Say it kindly. Say it however. But say it.
Watch the takers leave.
Watch your peace return.
And then?
Watch how free you feel 🙏🏼 🧠✨

—KKwisdumbs

KK WISDUMBS

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